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User blog:Awesomesix/Total Drama ERB: Rizachulous Race S1E03- Russian Head First
So, on the third episode, things get heated in a dance off, someone reveals a new side of them, and a special dance may land one team first. Who is it? Read on to find out! Episode Russian Head First *Zach is seen standing on a balcony of a dance hall, with a red and white DJ behind him.* Zach Sherwin: Last time, on the Rizachulous Race… We had heartbreak. *Leonidas screaming for Gorgo at the first stall plays.* Zach Sherwin: We had face break. *Romeo faceplanting on the Safety Napkin is shown.* Zach Sherwin: And we had back break. *Beethoven pushing the cart while his back hurts is shown.* Zach Sherwin: But the one thing that didn’t break is Bill and Ted’s spirit… and they got seventeenth place. Saving them from the fate of the first elimination, however. *Bill and Ted jumping for joy, hugging, is shown.* Zach Sherwin: In the end, that was given to the enemy athletes, who revealed that it was all for show… how stupid. But now, we’ve got seventeen teams, sixteen places left, and one weird Russian… *Vladimir Putin slaps Zach Sherwin.* Vladimir Putin: Dance, monkey! Zach Sherwin: Oh, but we will… here, on The Rizachulous Race! *The camera cuts to Zach standing outside in a snowy area by a Battle Box. A moose and a bear are seen fighting behind him.* Zach Sherwin: Ah, Russia… everything here wants to fight. Much like our show. So this seems like a perfect place to have our second episode! Last time, Capone and Blackbeard won, so… all teams get to head in. I’m funny like that, I know. *The camera switches to Capone and Blackbeard walking up to the Battle Box, Blackbeard pressing the button and getting the Suggestion Card.* Blackbeard: Yargh-gh… “Dance For Da-Da”...? Team Battle… the teams must all take place in… *Bruce Lee snatches the Suggestion Card from Blackbeard.* Bruce Lee: Too slow! The teams must partake in… a-a… dance off? Oh, this’ll be easy! Miley Cyrus: Sweet! I’m good at dancing! *Bieber bursts out in laughter; Beethoven looks at him confused.* Zach Sherwin: That’s correct, Jackie Chan. You all must take place in a dance royale in Putin’s dance hall, made from the funding from not feeding the homeless. Step inside, and Putin will inform you from there. *All eighteen teams rush inside and awkwardly step onto the dance floor, being looked down upon by Putin.* Vladimir Putin: Hello, comrades. I am Putin. You are nobodies. I judge you by dance skill, not coolness. If I like dance a lot, you go. If I hate it, you get five minute penalty on wall. When you go, you leave out that door. There is Battle Box for you, hit button and do thing. Now DJ, hit it. *The teams look around awkwardly as Vladimir Lenin begins to put in a record.* Miley Cyrus: Relax, Joan, I got this. Watch and learn. Justin Bieber: Uh, you don’t know anything… Joan, don’t watch her. Trust me when I say she’ll lose it for you. Joan of Arc: Okay…? Like I’d listen to someone not on my team. *The camera shows the teams spreading out. Caesar/Shaka and Washington/Wallace pick a spot near each other. Jamie and Adam go to the back with Sherlock/Watson, and Adam/Eve, Leonidas/Gorgo, Bonnie/Clyde, Romeo/Juliet and David/Harry go close to the door. Other teams scatter about. The music begins to play. Putin picks up in a Cossack dance.* Miley Cyrus: I can feel the music… Joan, prepare to go to first. Joan of Arc: Alright. Hey guys, my teammate’s going to win it for us! Romeo (to Juliet): This cannot be good. Justin Bieber: Oh god… *Miley Cyrus begins to twerk poorly to the music, disturbing everyone. A few people puke, and Putin covers his eyes and turns off the music, then gives them a thumbs down. A red spotlight hits them and a loud error noise plays.* Miley Cyrus: Oh, come on! Like you could do better, old man! Vladimir Putin: Now, do'' real dances! Or go to gulag! ''*Everyone begins to dance nervously.* (Confessional): Miley and Joan *Miley sits on the left pissed off, arms crossed, Joan on the right disgusted.* Joan of Arc: That… that wasn’t dancing! Miley Cyrus: You’re just jealous… End Confessional *The camera cuts to Caesar/Zulu and Washington/Wallace in their corner.* Shaka Zulu: So, you guys think you can dance? William Wallace: Oh, better than ye can! Julius Caesar: Prove it, fat man. Walk the walk, don’t talk the talk. William Wallace: Are you challengin’ us to a dance off, lass? Julius Caesar: Well, I’m not challenging you to a duel. George Washington: Let’s show them who’s best, Wallace! *Shaka, Caesar, Washington, and Wallace all glare at the opposite team. The camera cuts to Sherlock/Watson and Jamie/Adam Savage.* Sherlock Holmes: We’ve got this, Watson! I know the foxtrot… which must mean I am actually a fox… but I have no tail, yet my clothes look like wings… am I a flying fox? Dr. Watson: Jim jam flim flam! Cahooter! Adam Savage: British speak weird… confirmed? Jamie Hyneman: I think he’s a data outlier, sir. Most Brits are sane. I conclude he was dropped too many times at birth. Dr. Watson: Eggnog snogging! Adam Savage: You know what… I agree. Just ignore him. *Adam looks at Jamie, smiling giddish.* Adam Savage: So, Jamie, we ready to do our dance? Jamie Hyneman: Wrong, we must wait until enough people disappoint Putin and are penalized. Thus we will shock and amaze everyone, who has let themselves down. And while we go ahead, they all try to copy, thus buying us more time. Adam Savage: This plan sounds genius… actually quite evil, if I say… I like your thinking, buddy! Sherlock (to Watson): “Evil”, you say? Well, well, well, Watson, looks like we have a mystery to solve! Dr. Watson: Adult diapers! Sherlock: Intriguing input! Their plan must involve Beethoven! *Watson looks at the camera confused. The camera cuts to Bonnie/Clyde, Adam/Eve, and Leo/Gorgo.* Leonidas: So, any of us know how to dance? This’ll be interesting. Bonnie Parker: Oh, you see, Clyde and I have waltzed for years now… we’re practically experts at it. Adam: Oh, you are? Well, Eve and I can waltz as well. Eve: Oh, stop it. I stepped on your feet and you couldn’t walk for a week. Adam: But you enjoyed it, right? Eve: Stepping on your feet? Adam: No, the dance. That’s all that matters, honey. Leonidas: Well, Gorgo and I can do a pretty mean tango. Gorgo: Shut your mouth, you imbecile. Clyde Barrow: Oh, what’s that? You denyin’ you can’t dance? You a chicken or somethin’? *Clyde makes chicken noises and flaps his arms like wings.* Gorgo: Yep. We can’t dance. Clyde Barrow: Baw- well then. Adam: What a shame… everyone knows you’re not a couple until you dance… Gorgo: Look at Juliet and Romeo, they can’t dance… *The camera pans to Romeo hugging Juliet nervously, too afraid to dance in fear of hurting himself.* Adam: They’re not a real couple, they’re just teenagers. Too young. Bonnie Parker: Teenagers, thinkin’ they know love… what horsewash! Adam: Young people don’t understand love, let alone feel it! Clyde Barrow: I doubt those guys know what they’re even sayin’! Eve: Since we both seem to understand love pretty well, and Gorgo and Leonidas need to learn it… what do you guys say to a three-team dance off between us? Can’t be too bad of an idea. Leonidas: Sure! Why not? Gorgo: No, you moron, we can’t dance! We’ll get denied and penalized! David Copperfield: I may be able to help with that, ma’am. *Gorgo turns to see Copperfield, suggestively wiggling his eyebrows at her, rose in his mouth. Gorgo blushes before Leonidas coughs to remind her he’s there.* David Copperfield: Shame… you won’t learn how to treat your wife like a woman, Leonidas… I was going to show you to waltz. Harry Houdini: You’re missing out… oh well. David’s a real mean man on the dance floor, if I do say so myself. Leonidas: Pshh, I don’t need help! I can dance with my eyes closed! Gorgo: Oh, for christ’s sake! You can’t dance with them open! *The camera cuts to Putin boosting the music, and glaring at the teams.* Zach Sherwin (Narration): And with no one winning, and Miley and Joan losing, Putin’s getting pissed. To speed things up… Vladimir Putin: If you don’t dance, ten minute penalty! *Everyone quickly panics, and rushes to dance.* Adam Savage: Quick, distraction dance! *Jamie jumps emotionlessly in place, arms at side, and Adam does jumping jacks. Sherlock observes from the side, with Watson pouring tea on the ground.* Sherlock: We must distract them with our own dance… these diabolical villains cannot succeed! Everyone could be sent home in one foul swoop, and they’ll take over the world! I can’t let this happen! Dr. Watson: The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plains! Sherlock: That must mean… yes! They’re going to flood the dance hall! We must tell Putin immediately! I’ll go inform him, you find the plumbing controls! *Sherlock runs to find a way to Putin. Dr. Watson sighs of relief.* Dr. Watson: Finally, I lose that bloody imbecile. Now I can actually read into the competition… so, let’s see… Dr. Watson (to camera): So, you see… I’m not actually stupid. I’m only like this so I could get assigned a partner back when we first met. Long story short, Sherlock was the only one available at the department, and even after I told them “well he’s an idiot, you can’t have him leading, allow me!”, they just told me to act dumber, and so I did. Screw my life. *Watson carefully watches Jamie’s jumping, eye movement, and mouth movement.* Dr. Watson: He’s not sweating yet… so it’s not time… but he’s watching him… this is the first signal of the plan starting. I need to distract them… but how? *Watson walks over to Jamie and accidentally pours tea on his crotch.* Dr. Watson: Scallywag horseradish! Jamie Hyneman: Ow. My crotch. It burns. I feel the pain coursing through my body. Save me. Vladimir Putin: No sabotage! Ten minute penalty! *Watson slinks over to the wall angrily.* Dr. Watson: It’s not over yet, Mythbusters… Jamie Hyneman: Correct, no one has won yet. *The camera begins to show a montage of people losing, Zach narrating.* Zach Sherwin: And, thus began the brutal onslaught of denials from dance. *Bill and Ted begin to air-guitar, only to be penalized due to somehow breaking their strings; Beethoven tries to moonwalk, but falls on his face and penalized. Bieber laughs, but gets penalized again, annoying him; Ellen tries to breakdance, only to look more like she’s having a seizure, with Oprah watching disturbed, both penalized; Sherlock tries to climb to Putin, only to get penalized; Blackbeard crab walks, but falls and gets penalized; only a few people are left. The camera cuts to Adam, Eve, Bonnie, Clyde, Leonidas, and Gorgo, all slowly moving their legs to stay in.* Eve: So, we going to dance now, or what? Bonnie Parker: Well, are we all doin’ the same dance? Adam: Well, I’m assuming we’d all do what we’re best at and have someone judge from there. Clyde Barrow: Who even would judge, bruh? Adam: Uh… Putin? It’s kinda what he’s doing right now? Clyde Barrow: So whoever he ‘proves of first, goes? Eve: No, we all wait… of course we go! Bonnie Parker: No need to get your vines in a bunch. Eve: Keep insulting us, we’ll dance all over you. Leonidas: Well, when are we starting? Gorgo: Never. We’re not in it, Leo. Eve: Oh, why not? You afraid? Leonidas: No, we’re not! Right, Gorgo? *Gorgo puts her hand slowly to her forehead annoyed, causing the other couples to laugh.* Adam: You’re scared of dancing? Gorgo: No, I’m not scared of me dancing, I’m scared of Leonidas dancing. Big difference. Leonidas: You don’t believe in me, babe? What’d I do? Gorgo: You don’t remember? Like, at all? Leonidas: No… *Clyde and Adam grimace and look around nervously as Eve and Bonnie grow mad.* Bonnie Parker: You oaf, you don’t remember what you did? Leonidas: I… I didn’t do anything! She’s probably misunderstanding me! Adam: Oooh boy… Clyde Barrow: Heeere we go. *Gorgo looks at Leonidas angrily, confusing him. He shrugs at her.* Leonidas: What? Not my fault if I didn’t do anything. Adam: Leo, it’s best if you stop ta- Leonidas: You’re being pretty stupid, might I add. Clyde Barrow: Zip it, bro! You’re making a big- *Leonidas looks peeved down at Gorgo, staring back at him with her slowly growing rage.* Leonidas: I’m the king, I'' know I did nothing wrong, so just get over it! ''*Adam and Clyde cover their eyes, Eve clenches a fist, Bonnie mutters under her breath, and Gorgo knees Leonidas in the nuts, and he doubles over in pain.* Gorgo: I’ve had it with you! *Gorgo storms off, getting them both penalized. Leonidas falls onto the floor, grabbing his groin.* Leonidas: What did I do? Adam: Well… Leonidas: Don’t answer that. *The two couples begin to dance while the camera cuts to Jamie and Adam.* Jamie Hyneman: Is it time? Adam Savage: Oh, yes. It’s time. *The two stand directly next to each other, facing Putin. This catches his eye; he watches, interested.* Jamie Hyneman: Step one, bob up and down. *The two bob up and down in an alternating pattern; one up, the other down. They do it slowly at first, but speed up.* Adam Savage: A little faster… *The two are now bobbing up and down so fast, they’re practically a blur.* Jamie Hyneman: You ready, Adam? Adam Savage: Not quite… *The two friends lock eyes passionately while bobbing. Listening to the music, as the beat’s about to drop, they both nod.* Adam Savage: Now! *Adam and Jamie, standing next to each other, Jamie on left, Adam on right, tilt to their right, elbows at their waists, arms from the elbow to the hand going forward opposite from their body, then leaning to the right and doing the same thing. Immediately following that, they fold their arms in front of them, standing straight, and redo the alternating bobbing dance, then gesture outwards with opposite arms, to their open side. Then, they lean on each others backs, gesturing to the other with their thumbs, and face forward once again, hands hitting knees, then turning to face each other, slapping each other’s hands with the opposite twice, pulling arms back afterwards, fists still pointing at the other, and fist bump. Following this, they grab arms and form a small square via their hands. For their next continuous move, they air hump and finally, finish by pointing to the left.* Jamie Hyneman: Test our hypothesis… *The other teams stand shocked, jaws dropped. Bieber, Miley, Capone, Leonidas, Ted, Gaga, and Sherlock all shown in a row in particular. They look up at Putin, who’s crying of joy.* Adam Savage: Shock confirmed. (Confessional): Mythbusters *Jamie sits on the left, arms crossed and eyes half closed. Adam sits on the right, writing on a clipboard estatically.* Adam Savage: Years of trial and error, we finally found the right procedure to pull this off! Jamie Hyneman: Dude, we forgot the pyrotechnics. Adam Savage: Oh, you’re right! *cringing breath inhale* I guess we’ll have to redo it later for the maximum effect! Jamie Hyneman: Darn. End Confessional Vladimir Putin: Mother Russia, forgive tears. I have seen a masterpiece. *Sniff* *Crying, Putin give the two a thumbs up. Running for the door, the camera switches to Romeo and Juliet, trying to dance, Romeo clinging to her nervously.* Juliet: Dancing isn’t dangerous, come on! I believe in you! Romeo: Oh, proove it! I have two left hands! Not even feet, hands! Juliet: It’s easy; you put your foot like this, and- *Copying her, Romeo suddenly hurts his right leg.* Romeo: Augh! My leg! *Romeo grabs said leg by the ankle, and begins hopping, the knee moving forward and back. Juliet notices Putin watching.* Juliet: It’s working, Romeo! Keep going! Romeo: No, my leg is most certainly not working! Ow! This h-h-h-hurts! *Juliet quickly mimics Romeo, and Putin gives them the go. Getting out the door with the Mythbusters, they hit the Battle Box, on the top of a snowy hill covered in pine trees.* Jamie Hyneman: “You Ski, I Ski, We All Ski for Ice Ski”. Team battle. Both teammates bust ski down a Russian hill to the Safety Napkin… sounds easy. Romeo: Well, this certainly doesn't look easy… *The camera pans from above the four to look down the hill, showing nothing but trees and snow for miles. A bear is seen running in the distance. Romeo swallows nervously.* Adam Savage: Wait… we’re in Russia, right? *Romeo and Juliet grab skis and begin to leave.* Romeo: I don’t care where I am, as long as I win! See you guys later! Jamie Hyneman: Right, Adam. Which means there is a slight possibility of Siberian Tigers. *The four hear a tiger growl in the distance. Romeo clings to Juliet, quite afraid.* Adam Savage: No time, let’s go! *Adam and Jamie grab skis as well and go. The camera cuts back inside to the teams left; in particular, Palin and Gaga.* Sarah Palin: Gah… I’m not lettin’ no stupid nerds show me up one! Let’s do the Sprinkler! Lady Gaga: No, let’s do... hmm… I ''know a dance we could do, Sarah! Sarah Palin: Lay it on me! Whatever gets us outta here faster, eh! Lady Gaga: So, just copy me. ''*Lady Gaga begins to do the whip, confusing Sarah, but she goes along with it.* Sarah Palin: What in the heck type o’ dance is this, eh? Lady Gaga: Don’t ask, just go along! *The two do the whip together, and Putin shrugs, giving them the okay. Quickly, they stop dancing and run to the door. Upon getting outside, they go see the battle box, but hear a weird noise.* Lady Gaga: This Suggestion says to ski down the hill… no problem, right? I mean- Sarah Palin: *Sniffing* ''Didja hear that? Lady Gaga: Uh, no. Let’s go, Palin… Sarah Palin: It sounded a bit like a… a moose, you betcha! Lady Gaga: Oh, great… ''*A baby moose appears from some trees, with cartoonishy huge eyes.* Sarah Palin: Hello, there, little fella? Where’s the family, eh? Lady Gaga: What are you doing? *Sarah Palin approaches the baby moose, only for a larger, bulkier, antlered moose to appear, twice Palin’s size; none other than the father. Palin somehow doesn’t notice.* Sarah Palin: You’re all alone, eh? What if I punched you? Like I do back at home? *Sarah Palin reels to punch the moose, only for the dad to smack her square in the face with a hoof, knocking her down onto the ground.* Lady Gaga: Oh, perfe- *The father moose looks over at her, snorts, and charges at her. Immediately, she runs off camera, followed by the father and baby. The camera then cuts inside, with Zach narrating.* Zach Sherwin: Slowly, the groups get better at dancing, if by a miracle. *The camera shows a montage of people getting yessed. Bruce Lee begins to breakdance, Eastwood doing a slight dance behind him, and the two get approved; Bonnie and Clyde square dance, and get approved; Bill and Ted manage to get approved air guitaring again; Bieber and Beethoven moonwalk in snyc with each other with no error, and get approved; Adam and Eve waltz, and get approved; Copperfield spins around Houdini below his left hand similar to the tango, and get approved.* Zach Sherwin: Some try to copy, but don’t do so well. For some reason. *The camera shows Monroe and Cleopatra doing the macarena. Upon putting her hands on her hips and rotating them, Cleopatra immediately gets approved, and the two leave. Capone and Blackbeard, not far behind, try the same.* Marilyn Monroe: I never knew macaroni was that popular! Al Capone: So, it’s like… *Capone puts his hands on his hips, but Putin immediately boos him.* Al Capone: Aw, come on, that’s not fair! *Capone begins to stomp his left, then right leg. Putin approves.* Blackbeard: But didn’t we just get a penalty? Al Capone: Just go with it, dude… *The two run for the door out.* Zach Sherwin: Some can’t agree on anything. *The camera shows Leonidas trying to dance with Gorgo, smiling a big, fake, nervous smile, only for Gorgo to turn the other way, a very grumpy face, arms crossed. Leonidas slumps over in sadness.* '' Zach Sherwin: Some get better, but are more focused on the rivalry. ''*The camera cuts to Wallace, Washington, Zulu, and Caesar, all dancing quite well. Caesar is doing the robot; Zulu is moving his joints loosely and while keeping the rest of his body stiff; Wallace is doing the cancan; Washington pretends to move a steering wheel, leaning side to side.* Shaka Zulu: That the best you got, pubic hair? William Wallace: Oh, you’re not even dancin’, yer breakin yer limbs! Julius Caesar: I’ll break your limbs, please! *The four argue more, oblivious to Putin repeatedly approving them. Sherlock, Watson, Oprah, Ellen, and Bill and Ted run by them, unnoticed as well. All that’s left is them, Leonidas, Gorgo, Miley, and Joan. The camera then cuts to Romeo, Juliet, Adam and Jamie making their way down the hill.* Adam Savage: Any predictions on where the tiger is? Jamie Hyneman: With the sound of how far it was, it was at least a mile away. Given it’s size, predatory nature, and strength, it might as well be near the top of the hill now. Romeo: So, that means we’re safe, right? Please tell me it does! Jamie Hyneman: Not entirely. There’s still moose, lynx, birds, angry Russian men, and- *Romeo suddenly hits a rock with his ski, flipping up into the air spastically, and begins to snowball down the hill, greatly worrying Juliet.* Jamie Hyneman: -rocks. Juliet: Oh nomeo, Romeo! I’m coming! Romeo (muffled by snow): Why is this happening?! *Romeo’s snowball and Juliet go offscreen, leaving Adam and Jamie to themselves.* Adam Savage: Should we feel bad? Jamie Hyneman: Nah. Adam Savage: Alright! *The two turn to see Bruce Lee, carrying Clint Eastwood above his head, skiing down on one ski.* Bruce Lee: See you suckers third! *Bruce Lee and Clint slowly move ahead, only to run into a tree. Adam and Jamie move around the tree quickly.* Adam Savage: Indeed! See you third! *Lee growls angrily, not noticing Blackbeard and Capone somehow passing him. The camera cuts to Leonidas and Gorgo on the dance floor. Leonidas is trying to dance, but Gorgo keeps moving.* Leonidas: Just answer me, and maybe I’ll apologize! Gorgo: I don’t think you will, your royal Anus. Leonidas: We’re going to lose, Gorgo! No one is left! *Gorgo looks over at Caesar, Zulu, Washington, and Wallace, clearly too distracted to partake in the challenge.* Leonidas: You know what, fine! I’ll get us out of here so I ''can have what ''I want, then you explain, and you can get what you want! *Leonidas picks up Gorgo, spins her around over his head, getting approved. Quickly he runs out the door with her being pulled behind, gets skiis on her and him, then shoves off down the slope.* Gorgo: I am going to kill you! At the top of the hill, Adam, Eve, Sherlock, Watson, Beethoven and Bieber all watch surprised, getting skis.* Adam: Woah… it’s really cold out here! Justin Bieber: Well, if you weren’t in your underwear, it wouldn’t be so cold! Beethoven: No time to bicker, let’s go kid! *Beethoven and Bieber grab skis and push off down the hill.* Adam: I r-regret not w-w-wearing c-clothes… Eve: I-I w-w-onder how Leonidas is d-doing… *The camera shows Leonidas skiing down the hill once again, looking completely blue, Gorgo laughing next to him at his misery.* Leonidas: T-t-this isn-n’t f-f-funny! Gorgo: You tell yourself that! This is almost ''as good as you apologizing. Leonidas: A-am I g-good now? Gorgo: We’ll see tomorrow. ''*The camera cuts to Zach waiting on the Safety Napkin, sipping coffee quietly.* Zach Sherwin: Ahh, nothing like patiently waiting for- *A large, round shadow is cast over Zach, startling him. The giant snowball stops inches in front of him on the Safety Napkin, blocking anyone else from getting on it.* Juliet: Romeo! Are you there, love?! *Juliet begins to dig through the snowball frantically with her skiing poles, eventually finding Romeo’s hand. She pulls him out, and he’s almost entirely frozen, even more so than Leonidas. Quickly, she pulls him close and hugs him, Romeo too frozen to move.* Romeo (through closed teeth): I cah feeh anehthenh… Juliet: Oh, darling, I’m so sorry! *Juliet hugs Romeo, trying to warm him.* Zach Sherwin: I hope it warms you up relatively well knowing you’re in first! Juliet: You did it, Romeo! You got us first! Romeo (through closed teeth): Yah…! Zach Sherwin: Now, go over to the planes over there, and get on flight A. *The camera cuts to four planes, labeled A, B, C, and D.* Juliet: Woo! Let’s go, Romeo! And then I can warm you up.~ *Juliet kisses Romeo, causing his face to redden, and drags him along with her, Romeo unable to move from being frozen. Zach watches amused.* Zach Sherwin: And here come second! *Adam and Jamie collide through the snowball, causing it to burst, some getting in Zach’s coffee.* Jamie Hyneman: Ta da. Zach Sherwin: Hurry on to flight A, Mythbusters, cause you’re second! *Jamie and Adam run off to get on flight A.* Zach Sherwin: And here comes… *Capone and Blackbeard are shown quickly skiing down the hill, only for Bruce Lee to jump from behind them with Clint still above his head.* Bruce Lee: This is for stealing from us, you jerks! *Lee gets to the Safety Napkin, and throws his skis at the two, slowing them down.* Zach Sherwin: Third place for the Extremists, and fourth for… *Capone and Blackbeard are closing in on the Safety Napkin, only for…* Zach Sherwin: …the Magicians! Congrats! Extremists and Magicians, run to flight A! Al Capone: How the hell- whaaaaaat? *Copperfield smiles back at Capone before walking off to flight A.* (Confessional): Capone and Blackbeard *Capone sits on the left, confused and flailing his arms madly, Blackbeard on the right, scratching the back of his head.* Al Capone: HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?!? (End Confessional) Zach Sherwin: Capone and Blackbeard, you’re fifth! Go to flight B! Al Capone: Whatever… *Cleopatra and Monroe ski up behind them, landing sixth.* Zach Sherwin: Queens, you’re sixth! Cleopatra: Yes! *Cleopatra and Monroe jump for joy. Blackbeard elbows Capone, then gestures back to Cleopatra.* Zach Sherwin: Head to flight B, with the Criminals! *The two teams head for flight B, Capone trying to start a conversation with Cleopatra.* Al Capone: Hey, whaddya know… fancy us getting on the same flight. Marilyn Monroe: I know, right! It’s almost like you should get lost! Blackbeard: That’s not what he me- *Monroe kick Blackbeard in the nuts, causing him to double over in pain. The camera cuts back to Zach, announcing the arrival of the last two teams for flight B.* Zach Sherwin: And seventh to the Failing Marriage, eighth to the Stallyns! *Leonidas looks confused at their nickname while Gorgo heads to the plane, and Bill and Ted jump in excitement.* Zach Sherwin: With two flights left to fill, it seems one team will be flying by themselves… out of the race. Who will it be? Tune in, after the break. *The camera shows Lady Gaga hiding in a tree, the father moose ramming it with his head.* Lady Gaga: Nice moose! Nice moose! Down! *The father moose begins to stand on its hind legs, its front legs going up the tree, and biting at Gaga.* Lady Gaga: Oh, Sarah, where are you?! *The camera cuts to Sarah Palin, face first in the snow, being poked by Sherlock Holmes.* Sherlock: I believe she’s dead, sir. Dr. Watson: You didn’t check for a pul-plum my bum and suck my thumb! Sherlock: Do you mean this is a fake Sarah, who’s actually a giant baby, and the real one is down in the Napkin, and we must alert her of this fake? Dr. Watson: Acorn kumquat supreme! *Sherlock and Watson grabs skis and go down the hill, Watson looking to the camera annoyed and motioning his hand across his throat before going. Now, the camera goes inside the dance hall, Miley and Joan leaving, and the noise giving the two bickering teams a go blaring loudly.* Vladimir Putin (on a megaphone): YOU GUYS CAN GO, CYKAS! Julius Caesar: Finally! Say, where is everyone? *The four look around at the dance hall, no one left except Gorbachev dancing while mopping the floor. Putin is practically blaring the “approval” sound.* William Wallace: O, I see… you guys were trying to make us lose! Shaka Zulu: As much as I would love for you to go home, I believe it was you who tried to distract'' us'', making us lose! George Washington: No time to lose, let’s go, Wallace! Julius Caesar: Hurry, Zulu! We’re not going home just yet! *The four run out of the dance hall, leaving it empty, and grab skis. Zulu glances at where Palin once was, a hole of snow, and shrugs it off, skiing.* Shaka Zulu: Everyone’s done by now! Caesar, we gotta hurry! Julius Caesar: Oh, I know, I know, I know! George Washington: Make way, losers! *Washington tries to bump Caesar, not knocking him over, but making him shake a bit. Caesar retaliates by kicking his hip.* Julius Caesar: Get lost, beaver mouth! George Washington: Oh, make me! *The two teams suddenly hear a tiger growl, scaring them. Shaka jumps into Caesar’s arms, Caesar looking at him unsurprised. The team slowly gains speed, going faster down the hill, worrying Washington and Wallace.* Julius Caesar: …you’re ridiculous, Zulu. *Washington and Wallace watch nervously as the two gain headway.* William Wallace: Washington, jump in my arms! George Washington: Are you crazy?! William Wallace: Well, it’s workin’ fer them! George Washington: *Sigh* Fine… *Washington tries to jump into Wallace’s arms, only to trip him. The two roll down the hill in a clustered mess, bouncing off the ground repeatedly. Noticing this, Caesar leans forward a bit, Shaka suddenly noticing an object in front of them, and screams.* Shaka Zulu: CAESAR, LOOK OUT! Julius Caesar: Wha- HOLY JUPITER, THAT’S BIG CAT! *A siberian tiger leads out in front of them, roaring loudly, mouth open to eat them. The two swerve to their right, only to collide with Washington and Wallace’s mess. The camera then cuts to Zach announcing teams at the Safety Napkin.* Zach Sherwin: Ninth place! Flight C! *Oprah once again stomps her heels on Zach’s foot, Ellen skiing in circles around the Napkin.* Zach Sherwin: Tenth place, Flight C! *Adam and Eve begin to make out, disgusting Zach.* Zach Sherwin: Eleventh place, Flight C! *Sherlock and Watson walk to the third plane, Sherlock rambling, annoying Watson.* Zach Sherwin: Twelfth place, Flight C! *Beethoven and Bieber high five, and walk to their plane.* Zach Sherwin: Thirteenth place, Flight D! *Bonnie and Clyde square dance in joy, also disgusting Zach.* Zach Sherwin: Fourteenth place, Flight D! *Miley cheers for their placement, while Joan walks away, disappointed.* Zach Sherwin: With three teams left, who will make it here last? My money’s on- *Joseph Stalin runs from behind Sherwin with a tranquilizer gun, running uphill.* Joseph Stalin: Bad kitty! Zach Sherwin: Okay then. *The camera cuts to Lady Gaga still on the tree, screaming for Palin.* Lady Gaga: Pa-lin! Where are you? *Suddenly, the father moose falls back, head yanked by the antlers. Sarah Palin grabs Lady Gaga.* Sarah Palin: Hold tight, lady! This is going to be a fast ride! Lady Gaga: What? *Zooming out, the camera shows the two women on the father moose’s back, and Sarah Palin leans the moose’s head forwards, charging it down the hill at incredible speeds. In a matter of minutes, they catch up with the cluster of skiing teams, and run ahead.* Sarah Palin: See ya later, boys! *The four men tumbling down the hill watch Palin and Gaga run ahead, trying to split apart.* Shaka Zulu: Get your ski off my neck, Wallace! William Wallace: Not until Caesar gets his out of me groin! *The camera shows Caesar, with an unamused face, standing on his right leg, arms crossed, left ski in between Wallace’s legs.* Julius Caesar: No. George Washington: Two can play that game, sir! *Washington kicks Caesar in the back, and he and Wallace go flying down the hill, freeing Shaka. Zulu and Washington ski after their partners. The camera cuts to the bottom of the hill, Zach watching the last three teams eagerly, eating popcorn.* Zach Sherwin: And the final three is… *The camera shows Palin and Gaga on their moose, Caesar and Wallace bouncing down the hill in front, Caesar’s arms still crossed with his leg in Wallace’s crotch, and Zulu and Washington skiing after them at the same place on the hill.* Shaka Zulu: Look out, Washington! You might hit a TREE! *Zulu shoves Washington into a tree, and grabs Caesar’s free leg, also getting Wallace unintentionally in the process. Gaga and Palin rush down the hill ahead of them, Zulu leaning forward faster.* William Wallace: Let me go! Julius Caesar: Make me. Shaka Zulu: You’re such a baby, Caesar! Let him go and we’ll win! William Wallace: Agreed! Julius Caesar: Oh, can it, Brave Mouth! Shaka Zulu: Ugh, quiet! *Shaka tosses Caesar and Wallace at the Safety Napkin and skis faster, Washington right behind him, and Gaga and Palin almost to the bottom.* Zach Sherwin: This race may be our closest yet! *Wallace and Caesar land on the Safety Napkin right as Palin and Gaga’s moose runs into a tree in the background, several feet off from the Napkin. Zulu skis onto the Napkin, followed by Washington.* Zach Sherwin: Cunning Leaders, fifteenth! Julius Caesar: Oh, joy is me. Zach Sherwin: Barbarians, sixteenth! William Wallace: Damn ye, Caesar! Zach Sherwin: Flight D, for you four! *The four enemies walk off screen, annoyed, as Sherwin walks over to Gaga and Palin, the former comforting their moose.* Zach Sherwin: I’m sorry, you two. But you’re out. Lady Gaga: Oh, drat. Sarah Palin: Darn it… Sarah Palin: Well, least we tried, eh? Lady Gaga: Not everything goes your way. I hate moose now. Sarah Palin: Eh, I kinda like this one. I’ll name him Gerry. Lady Gaga: At least we weren’t first out, huh? Sarah Palin: True that, eh! *The camera cuts to Sarah Palin riding “Gerry” with Gaga to her left, facing the sunset, in the snowy landscape.* Lady Gaga: Any clue where the airport is? Sarah Palin: Uh… hop on! This is gonna be a bumpy ride! Lady Gaga: Not again… *The camera cuts to Sherwin hopping on a helicopter, talking to a navigator.* Zach Sherwin: With two teams down, and sixteen to go, who will be out next? Will the rivalry get themselves in almost-last again? Will Watson admit his intelligence to the not-so-bright Sherlock? And do they have what it takes to make it or break it in China? We’ll all find out, next time on the Rizachulous Race! *The helicopter takes off, ending the episode.* Category:Blog posts